Breakthrough
I have to say…although the past few days haven’t been the best choices–foodwise…I have made a breakthrough. I haven’t felt guilty and gotten down on myself about these choices. I have definintely held myself accountable for them and taken the blame…but usually I literlaly beat myself up about it and feel an utter hatred towards myself. I have gotten so down that i just start bawling and drowning myself in sorrows. Its terribly honestly. I have thought about getting treatment for depressiion because i thought that was the problem. But i realized that when i am eating well i don’t have those issues. I decided that i wanted to work on that because when you make a decision..such as eating the wrong foods….hating yourself for it isn’t going to take those calories away. So i have finally come to a point where i can eat badly and not start hating myself…i can pick myself up and just know that time moves FORWARDS. i can’t change today but i can always change tomorrow, and the day after that, and so on.
Tonight i decided i wanted to take some before pictures of myself…because i have been yo-yo dieting for the past 7 months! I go from 135 to 142 up and down up and down. I am my own human carousel! I got out of the shower tonight and was thinking wow I look like shit! Then i remembered how skewed my mind is and i decided im going to take pictures every week and try to make progress that way. i am also going to still count calories but try to dwindle away from that because i have found that i try to get in as many calories as i can…even if im not hungry…if its dinner time and i still have “800 calories left” you bet i will eat all of those 800 calories even if im not that hungry. I want to start listening to my hunger cues more because lets face it…who wants to count calories for the rest of their lives? I am definitely going to monitor it as to not ruin my diet unknowingly..but i am going to try to just add them at the end of the day rather then after every single piece of food i put in my mouth.
ok enough for now!
like always..comments welcome 🙂
And if anyone ever has a question about nutrition and exercise..although im not certified (yet) i have been learning so much in the past two years that i feel qualified to answer many questions. If i don’t know the answer or am unsure..i will always let you know..i don’t want to ever give false information!