The Rollercoaster
I’m constantly analyzing…literally everything. From the structure of a sour gummy worm, to my life and what does or doesn’t make sense in it..for me.
I used to live in a very scared headspace. Scared of the worst thing happening. Losing a job, being forced to move, being the one person to fall off a roller coaster that’s never had a problem….that kinda shit.
And I’d be lying if I said I still don’t do that haha. But the thing that I don’t do anymore is let that stop me. I’ve gotten a better grasp on the fact that I really am in control of (and responsible for) most things in my life (Like 99%…the 1% living in that bird-shitting-on-me realm. Although I do control what happens next….).
If I want to spend more money on traveling, I no longer think about the dent that will put in my finances, but instead the opportunities around me to build my finances in order to support that want. I put my energy there, and not the former.
The fear is still there sometimes and it does hold me back occasionally, but much less than it used to. For the most part, if I want something, I go for it. I trust that I’ll figure it out. I trust that it will work out. I trust myself. Which is something I didn’t do for most of my life.
It’s the most liberating thing I can think of, and while it comes with its own set of fears in itself, it also shows me that I can overcome them…and the more I do that, the more I expand my comfort zone. (My comfort circle grows and grows and my comfort zone starts to encompass stop-depression-now.com I used to fear. I have a drawing of this that I will try to share at some point. It looks like a Bird drew it, but it gets the point across.)
It takes practice and trusting before you actually believe it…(think about that for a second…..)
but it WILL prove itself to you if you give it that time and patience and trust….before you believe it.
I still can’t control the roller coaster thing, but I feel like if I am that 1 in a million person, at least I went out DOING the scary thing and not standing on the sidelines ??♀️
And really, a rollercoaster is the best metaphor for life. You might get thrown off at some point, but it’s more likely that you’ll just get thrown around and feel like shit a lot, but also have some thrills along the one. Just keep your seat belt on and you’ll probably have the ride of your life…literally….
As my dude Chuck says…..
“The best way to waste your life, is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate.”