Archive for June 26, 2018

How I Became an Unwaveringly Happy Person – Part 1

This series of posts will be written in short snippets. Because while I love writing, I just want to get this stuff out in the simplest manner. So pardon the no-fluff approach. No preamble, no setting the stage. Just raw words from my brain to the page. Enjoy it, or don’t.

Stop Setting Expectations and Ruining Everything

One of the first things that started allowing me to be free and happy was this: I stopped setting expectations and started letting things be what they are.

The first thing people say to this is “but don’t you want to be treated a certain way? Don’t you want some standards?”

The thing is, I didn’t lower my standards, and people confuse the two.

When you set expectations of people or a situation, you are projecting onto it. It’s not fair to you, the situation, or anyone else involved.

When that expectation that YOU set isn’t met, you end up disappointed.

But who gave you the right to set that in the first place?

Let that go. Let things be what they are. Don’t ruin it before it happens by deciding what it should be, what you want it to be, etc.

And to answer the question, this also doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to stay in the situation or around the person/people if what it is doesn’t serve you for the positive.

So no, you don’t need to lower your standards, let people treat you in a way that you deem unfavorable, or anything else.

You simply just let things be what they are. Let people reveal what and how much they want to, without you projecting your expectation. Without you digging into them or their life. They don’t owe you anything and it’s not your place to dig. Let a situation unfold as it will.

Let

it

be

what

it

is.

And when it does unfold and reveal itself? Decide whether or not you want to stick around for it. That’s your choice and you get to take responsibility of your choices (which is part 2…another day).

Expectations are a disease.

Anxiety and Happiness

There are people out there who are super happy, love their lives, are grateful for what they have, LOVE being alive knowing new opportunities are possible every minute….and yet they still deal with mental health issues that affect everything they do.
I’m one of them.🙋🏻‍♀️
For me, it’s anxiety. Many people think of anxiety as being scared of something (an event, person, situation, etc), but that’s isolated anxiety. Chronic anxiety comes in the form of a low (and oftentimes mid to high) level hum of confusing energy that illicits feelings of questioning yourself, irritability, sadness, and constant chatter in your brain.
For all the audio nerds out there like me, I compare it to a 60 cycle hum. Oftentimes you don’t notice it when there’s a lot of stuff going on, but when the music stops and it gets quiet, that motherfucker doesn’t shut up.
It’s extremely frustrating. It wears me down and exhausts me. It’s really tiring to not only live your life -work, relationships, etc- but to also be constantly dealing with this nagging “hum” all the time.
I’m sharing this only because I find it hard to relate to many people about it. Maybe sharing it shows someone else they’re not the only one.
Because yes, you can love the fuck out of your life and still battle your own brain every day.
I’m learning ways to deal with it so that it’s less of an enemy and more of an acquaintance.
-Walking by the beach where I can appreciate the beauty and sounds of the ocean
-Hanging with my dog (and other people’s dogs) and watching how much joy they find in the simplest of things (OMG a stick! 😱😃🤩🤪😎)
-Listening, playing, recording, watching live music. That’s always been my security blanket and it still works
-Spending time with friends even when my anxiety tries to prevent it. I almost always feel better.
-Taking care of myself – eating well, working out
-**a BIG ONE** paying attention to what I consume. What I read, watch, surround myself with….take a second when you read stuff – a headline, someone’s IG caption-and look back into yourself and see what it makes you feel like? Actually pay attention to the feeling that comes over you when you read something like that. THIS has been huge. It’s brought so many realizations to my life and in turn, led me to pay attention and filter what I consume.
-Writing. Getting things out of my head is really helpful to make space up there.
-reflecting. I spend a lottttt of time reflecting. Connecting dots. Paying attention to my behaviors, reactions, inactions, thoughts, etc and then looking at why I do/say/feel those things. I take that further and try to come up with solutions.
-and probably the biggest one-I don’t let myself lose perspective for too long. YOU choose your lens. As my good friend put it, whether you’re looking through your glasses from one side or the other, it’s still the same pair of glasses. Sure, I get down. I go to low places sometimes and it’s sucks. But even at my lowest of lows, I see the light. I see it because I believe it’s there. I can’t say I’m a religious person, but I guess this could be considered faith. Because isn’t that what religion is about too? You don’t need to see it to believe it. You just have to believe it with every cell in your body.
.
This life is good. Whether I’m a science experiment, an alien, or this is all a dream…I’ve been blessed to have emotions. To feel things. To feel the bad and the good. Without bad there IS no good. Contrast is what allows us to feel different ways.
.
So while it’s not easy, it won’t always happen, and you’ll often fight it (I do too at times)….welcome the bad and the negative.
Let that stuff happen and view it as a lesson. A road block that YOU get to figure out how to get around. Notice I said GET, not HAVE to. You’ve been given the Privelige to be alive and to feel and to experience. Don’t let that slip away. Keep that in mind. Remember what you have, even when a lot has been taken away. Think about what may come. And remember that time heals.
No matter what you’re dealing with…depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, any other mental health issue, a combination of them all (I truly think I’m just a hodgepodge of mental health issues sometimes 😂🤷🏻‍♀️)….other people are too.
Successful people
Famous people
“Perfect” people
Nice people
Mean people
Happy people
Unhappy people
We all have our demons.
I hope this is helpful to even 1 person.
And if not, it’s been helpful for me to just write this, so I’ll take it!