Part 1: Then and Now: I’ve Changed….
Happy Hump Day friends! I actually hate that people call it that, and here I am doing it myself.
I had an interesting scenario happen last night that shed some light on just how far I’ve come in the past few years. I thought I’d go into detail about this, as I know many women (and some men too) struggle with this as well.
(If you’re struggling with any type of eating disorder and feel this could trigger you, please don’t read any further.)
Last night, I pulled out a half eaten pint of Haagen Daaz Dulce de Leche ice cream. I ate it.
And then I moved on with my life.
Now, to someone who doesn’t and has never struggled with any type of food disorders, this probably doesn’t seem like anything and you’re likely not sure why I’m even pointing it out.
But for those of you who have in the past or are currently dealing with a bad relationship with food, you get it.
You see, 3-4 years ago, after I finished competing and started struggling with my ability to manage what I was eating, I would have eaten the Haagen Daaz ice cream, hopped in the car, and gone out to see what else I could get my hands on. More ice cream, cookies, chips, you name it. I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t control it. I hated that I felt the need to always have more, more, more. And it showed. I slowly gained weight and found myself embarrassed to go out because of how I looked. I was also extremely ashamed to be controlled by something so stupid. And it wasn’t like a drug I could quit….it was fucking food.
Last night was just another reminder of how far I’ve come. I struggled with my relationship with food for SO long (years) and really, truly thought I’d never have a normal relationship with food. I admired the people that could eat a few french fries and be done with it. Not me. I couldn’t do that. I had to eat all the french fries, and then as soon as I wasn’t with anyone else, I would go eat more. Until I was too full to breathe. It was disgusting, humiliating, and unhealthy.
But these days? I CAN do that. In fact, I often do. I can eat a few french fries and be done. I can even eat the whole basket of fries and then be done. I can eat 1 scoop of ice cream and not need more. I don’t NEED MORE. It’s a feeling I NEVER thought I would regain. I can truly say my relationship with food is NORMAL. And it’s freeing…..
So how did I do it?
Part 2 coming soon………….I’ll tell you how I did it and how it’s changed my life for the better…..