Much better
Ahhh..im feeling much better today. I am still a little bugged but I am not sure about what. I think that I might have figured something out today: I often ask myself…”Why do I work out so much? What is all this for? Why am I so obsessed and feel the need to work out so much and so hard all the time?” And I think I might have figured it out. Of course I LOVE being healthy and fit, but I also think that I am trying to fill a void. I think that the fact that I feel very lonely sometimes(I have so many great friends and a good family don’t get me wrong!!) But I have been single now since July without anything even semi-seirous. Sure I have dated around a little bit, but I haven’t met anyone that I really like. I feel like sometimes the only thing I have going for me is the ability to workout for countless hours in a day. It is kind of upsetting, but I am glad I realized it. I think that I will stay very active for my whole life, but I think that once I find myself in a happy relationship, maybe some of the pressure will be taken off of me. That maybe I will have another purpose other than to just manipulate my body into looking how I want it to. Blah….why am I such a debbie downer the past few days??!?! Seriously sorry guys!!! I don’t usually get like this and I am not sure what it is. No more negative talk from me!! I should mention that I have been hanging out with my ex’s very good friend lately. He is a really nice guy, he comes and works out with me a lot, hes funny, all around cool guy. He is very shy, though, when it comes to talking about emotions or feelings and me being the outgoing person I am, I need a guy who can keep up with me. I need someone who can keep me on my toes, and take charge with me. I like to be “controlled”(not in a demeaning or bad way, just in a “this is my big man who takes care of me” kind of way.) I will see how it goes, either way we are good friends and hang out a lot, but I am not sure that I could see myself dating him or anything.
By the way, when I was in English 101, my teacher pulled me aside one day and told me that my writing was “all over the place” and just a bunch of “ramblings that are out of order and don’t make sense” If you ever wondered why when you read through my posts you get lost or have no idea why or where I got my next topic from, well, nobody does. It is the 8th wonder of the world. This is why I engage in math-related jobs like accounting, NOT writing haha.
Boxing was fun this morning and I got a long, hard leg workout in afterwards. Finished up with 30 minutes on the elliptical. I will be headed to work shortly and then I am going to go rock climbing this evening. Here are my eats so far…
|
|
TUESDAY |
|
MEAL 1 (Pre-Workout) |
|
|
MEAL 2 and 3 (Post-Workout) |
|
|
MEAL 4 |
|
|
MEAL 5 |
|
|
MEAL 6 |
|
|
MEAL 7 |
|
|
TRAINING |
|
|
CARDIO |
|
|
TOTAL CALORIES IN |
|
|
TOTAL CALORIES OUT(through exercise) |
I agree, although I only know you from reading your blog…but working out sometimes helps us channel our energy. As long as it doesn’t go too far into an obsessive habit.
AND…I agree on wanting a strong man next to me to take care of me. I am so independant and have done just fine by myself, do not need any financial support what-so-ever, but it makes life so much more enjoyable knowing someone is next to us. I can’t wait to hear about what’s next for you, I know he’s waiting around the corner for you and he is going to be so totally awesome!
ahhhhhhh,guess you figured out how well the gym can fill a void-been there too,but my craziness in the gym started after i coudnt run my first track season due to surgery-back then,the weights filled the void of no longer being able to compete that season-even when i did start running competative again,the gym was still there-when i was done racing in college,sure i could do the road races and marathons,just wasnt the same though,then the gym was there again,to fill the void again-then came hubby,then came the kids,and you know what,the gym was still there-not so much to fill a void but rather to complete me,to be my outlet,etc-SO even though you may think the gym and your craziness to workout and control and manipultae nutrition is just something to fill a void,perhaps it is completeing you,and making you who you are-sure you will have times where your drive may be less intense due to outside factors-ie finding and spending time with the love of your life,but i can garuntee that even when you do find that love youve been looking for,he will probably get caught up in your world of craziness,and be able to hold his own with you!!so just try to hangin there chica with everything you have going on,and keep going hard in the gym,the part of you that makes you who you are!!!
melissa